the heart is just need time to recover....
yes...you can do it

Today is it a disaster for me???
Gosh...now i know that last minute study was a pain and is killing me....
Who to blame???
Is your choice right???
haiz.....hope evrything will be fine.....
tomorrow will be the last paper..
everyone gogogo...
WE CAN DO IT......
think POSITIVE......
NEGATIVE thinking please go away.....
Jiayou....
JOEY WONG....YOU CAN DO IT

STUDY...

life is not that easy as i think...
ya..i should be thankful for everything i having.....
but..
exam coming within 3 days....
i cant even finish on time.....
i feel so stress like a over stretched rubber band...
i doubt myself ....
is it i choosing the right road all the way....???
it getting tougher and tougher....
i feel not happy but just stress.....
mum called...
i said i miss them....
the word that i said when i need them to be beside me and stand with me....
mum even said...is ok if u need to resit....
just dont stress out.....
but i feel so guilty when they talked to me like this....
i know is my fault....
i hate myself....
i hate everything about myself now....
this sems is really totally disaster for me.....
i hope the time flies and end all this sooon.....
i miss you...
my family....my friends......
i want to cry....

Forget you...forgive you and will pull you out of my life from tonight....
treating someone good means sticking???
how good is the definition...
i dont know whats wrong...maybe the problem come from myself...
i should not do this all.....

You will regret and pay for it....i know...
Tomorrow will be a new life for me...i know that..
sorry disturb you ....
everyone have own life...
so u can fuck off from my life...
bye bye.....


i will find my way out and enjoy my life without you...

Do you know how much I miss you.....

Yes..I know everything will be ends in the future even the relationship with family....

Dad told me you are lucky already because most people die if get that disease....

but you had get through it and live with us for another 20 years...

I had been live with you for four years....

I know you are easy to get angry is because you suffer from this disease...

Thats no one can understand how hard and how suffer it is...

I wouldn't even know until i read an article from a newspaper and i go search the information for it....

I don't even know when you are admitted to hospital.Just know that when I got back to home and mum told me about it....

Then in hospital..you started to getting serious and was sent to ICU.....

Then I went to visit you for few times only since mum and dad not allow because my final coming soon....

I still remember the last time I saw you....

You are getting thinner and thinner...

You can't wake up from bed,you need me help...You don't have any energy even to peel the grapes skin....

I saw the bruishes all over your body ....mum said even the leg also full of those...

You told me doctor said that is no place to inject already....So they keep on inject at the same place...

I saw the site of injection...

It is a pain in heart when I saw those...

Then when I got back to hostel and start exam.....

No one tell me when you passed away and everyone just keep it from me...

When one day I feel unsecured and I called to mum..

What I heard from the phone was a lot of noise...

Then I asked: mum why so noisy de??Where are you now???

Then mum said: at your godmother house, you auntie passed away and now they are praying for her....

I asked when it happened why no one tell me??I said I want go back but dad said nope...

A no for me that time i just break down and deep myself in tears....

I don't know what to said that time and i just started crying non-stop....

I regretted why I didn't stay strong that I want stay home then at least I can go visit you and know what actually happened.But then everything seems to be too late.....nothing I can do to go back or reverse the time...

Now you have left us for almost one year....

but I still miss you...

I don't know how..but now I realised I am not that strong like what I think...

Do you know??

Yesterday night I had been cried for you and today morning I did it again.

I just can't control the tears..

I hated my self so much now...

I feel so depress.....

I feel so weak and unhappy....

Now even a hug also can make me cry and cry....

I wanted to ask you....

Are you ok at there?

Are you getting better at there?

Are you still like to bake and cook???

DO you miss us....

And yes...I DO MISS YOU ...A LOT....A LOT...

DO YOU MISS US?

REST IN PEACE

Seeing you everyday that will make my day...

At least that can let me know you are healthy...

However, you already get a target....

So I think is better for me just give up you and continue for my own life....

Everyday hearing what happened between you and her make me happy for you but sad for myself..

Maybe what I heard when I in form 4 is true...

People will judge you from your appearance but not from you personality...

LWM.. you know i take four years to forget you...

To forget the hurt, the pain and everything you left to me...

Meet back with you I don't know is right or not but that make me think back the moment we used to spend together...

Even though its short but it is the memory we had ....

Now I decide I want have a new life but still it is a failure...

Maybe I should just forget all these things and concentrate in my life...

I used to compare you with others but now I think I found one...

But he already got a target...

Why will be like this???

I should keep it inside my heart and wish him happy and hope he will be success???

Yes...this is what I should do now before I get hurt or fall for a deeper hole...

Everything will be just fine.....

I still will be seeing you around in library but just that in a different mood....

I wish you happy and wish you can have her as your love one....

Wish you guys happy forever...and happy together....

Where is the true one for me....

I waiting for you to come over to me><

Human still just think about themselves....

Can I be selfish too???Is just hard for me to get satisfies everyone..

Yes, I know.....sometimes I not good in communicate but I trying to change...

Should I go and ask what had happen???

Or just ignore it like nothing happened??What I feel is the more I do not care....the more hard feeling in my heart.....

It just too obvious....even some people already start to asked me...

Are you guys ok???Why I didn't see you in their picture or some sort like why you did not join their lunch or outing...

When I heard this, it just like a people holding a knife straight poke into your heart....

How I want to answer these question???I do not know what had happened....

I am also like you guys...the worst is I keep on think what I had done that make myself in such trouble...

Ya....may be i should heard the advice from my sister in the beginning....don not so easy get close to people ....not every people can be good...

Especially in university.....more are wearing their masks come to uni and face you with a warm and sweet smile...but behind you will never know what had they done or said about you...

Is ok....its not wrong to critism but I just do not want being the one that people hated.....

Friends...what a nice and good words for me when I am with my hometown friends..

but at here....friends is just a very hard to understand and a strange word for me......

What should I do???ignore it??solve it??or ask what had happened???

It just that is so difficult for me.....

Why is me???

Being straight is not a fucking good thing...

But why when we are small the teachers and parents teach us need and MUST be honest and just tell the truth when people asking for somethings..

When I grown up now....is not like that...

Everything is just totally different from what I had learnt and what I had heard...

May be its all just my fault ......

So I should change my personality and also attitude....

I feel I missing my big whole family and also my friend....

you know who are you ...

You are really the gift from the god that let me know u and met us be the good friends...

Thanks for accepting whatever I said even it sometimes did hurt you..

I miss you and i really need a warm warm hug from a really true friend....

No sacrastic and so called "good" friend....

That day something happen that bothering me until now.....

i wanted to ask but i scare about the consequences...

when i can just get rid from these things....

i try hard to be myself and also did not care anyone....

but why problem still finding me...

what u did to me will be double pay to u in future...

now i realized how ugly can be a human how selfish how they count on people...

i do want to care and i hope i will be not caring it anymore...

i wanted to have my own life...

it doesn't matter whether close or not close ...good or not good...

life still move on and i will still be myself...

I DO NOT CARE and I WOULD NOT CARE about those things anymore.....

i will just said bye to u.......

It feels like i start to missing someone again.....
when i can get rid of u and stop being missing u and being emo just because miss you......
It had been a long long time thing.....
Now, I even used to pm in facebook and waiting for u..
its so so annoying...i don't want to be this anymore.....
I so wanted a new life......
I so wanted to forget you...
please someone help me......
I need a new life.....
Is it the time for me to open my heart and search for a new him???
what should I do?
can anyone tell me?

Woo...finally clean up the hostel...
Million thanks to my good freind and her family..
Since they came purposely to help me...
Sat and Sun nothing happened...its just about clean up ...clean up and clean up...
Fri was a good day..
a very nice outing with friends...
Jiahui, Esther,Michelle,Xinyee and ruey ching...
A good shopaholic day...
WE MUST DO IT AGAIN...before the sale ends^^
LOve my life so so so much